Mental Health Professionals Are Vampires
By Paulus Kapteyn, USA (Published in Issue 9)
P would dream about dreaming. He didn’t want to feel the pain in his wrist and elbow, it was the pain from nothing coming to an end even when it does come to an end. P had lust without an object. He heard the laughter of a woman in the night. She was too far away. She may have known he was without her and could hear her. He had nothing more to think about, at least the woman’s laughter hadn’t been a thought. P decided he wouldn’t return a greeting. He would keep to himself and not feign keeping to himself. Mental Health professionals are vampires. P said to himself slowly and quietly not wanting to give himself away. He talked to himself and talked more to his wife than to himself not to feel guilty about the talking intently to himself about nothing at all that was the far corner of his pain. He had gotten into an argument with his wife over another woman. Their six year old daughter had run to his room and returned with a book for each of them to read. Take this! she said. Read and don’t fight. She reminded him of how he had been an adult when he had been a child and his mother had fought with his father. His father had barked and stiffened like a guard dog. As far as he could see his wife had become jealous for no reason and had shunted his peace. He had turned to L simply to talk about what he couldn’t talk about with his wife. His wife not knowing L well enough was right to question him. She left with their daughter. It reminded him of his mother who would put angry and sad words and doors and rooms and disease and himself her own child between herself and his father. He didn’t like to be reminded of her when she had been hurt. It had hurt him. He hated his wife for being his mother in retreat with child. He had done nothing.She would make him pay for having done nothing. He felt that she wanted to see him lose it to overcome the helplessness of it all. They hadn’t had sex for months. She thought it had to do with L It had nothing to do with her. She would return when he had calmed down. He wanted to throw himself through a window like a stunt man. He didn’t want to have to answer for something he had done because his wife had been jealous. He shoudn’t talk to another woman about his internal life. He wanted to speak to L who made him feel like he was drowning. He always had come up for air before swimming to the bottom for the second time.
Paulus Kapteyn is writer who resides in Portland Oregon. He has had his work in Bad Penny Reveiw,
Cleveland Review and Lungfull.
You can find our more about Paulus' latest projects at www.pauluskapteyn.com